i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
