I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
