his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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