some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
