PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
