She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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