my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
