Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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