their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
