Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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