your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Nicole vs. Life
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
