two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
