We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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