he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
