I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize