Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize