All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
