the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
