How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize