i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
As shirtless as possible
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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