Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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