Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
