Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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