can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
