Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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