The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
