I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
