Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
