Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
