I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
