$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
