He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
