can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
