idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
