My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
