I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
