All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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