you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
