You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
