Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
