I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
