Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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