I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
