Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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