she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
