Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
