im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
