Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
