Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.