I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.