woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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