gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
