just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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