also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
