i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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