When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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