I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
