Sry I called you an 8
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
PANTIES FOUND
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