the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
