At least make sure they are 18
Why
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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