remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
