u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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