I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
