why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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